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DISABILITY AND REJECTION by Kurt
W. Franke
I no longer accept
rejection from anybody unless I know it’s the truth. I never knew, until lately, how
many times through the years people had lied to me about various things concerning my
disability. For instance, I now see the way many employers who don’t want you in
their office will offer little excuse except “I’ll talk to you soon.” Of
course they really aren’t going to speak to you at all. They won’t tell you
honestly what they are indeed thinking. They, like so many in society, are lying and what’s
worse, feeling as though they are justified in doing so. That’s neither a valid
excuse for rejection or a way to act human.
Through the many
years living with severe disability, I’ve so many times felt I was being deceived in
one way or another. I now realize, after many years of enduring this, I was correct about
all that I sensed.
I live a life that is just within the bounds
of society, which “they” accept. I’ve learned, through great heartache and
deep personal effort, to confront those people with the truth whenever I feel as though I’m
being told a lie. I’ve learned to say “no”.
I’ve seen eyes change expression when this person now knows that I will
not tolerate being lied to. With the shocking contempt that so many “regular “
people” unwittingly harbor, I’m not afraid to say what I see: no matter where
and when I see it.
As a disabled person, I am hoisted upon the
social chopping block anytime by anyone. Embarrassing, awkward social debacles have
occurred because of mistreatment by strangers that I had just met. I’ve often
encountered people saying one thing to me when I know they are thinking and talking about
something else: my crippled body and their inherent bias towards me and every part of my
disabled life. I see so many people looking for satisfaction at my expense. They attempt
to throw me into a social melting pot whereupon I have to defend myself immediately
without hesitation. If I do not defend myself properly with dignity, I’ll fall prey
to the ugly narrow minds surrounding me.
People take notice of me in the rudest of
ways. They certainly would not stare down another able-bodied person as they do to me. No.
They wouldn’t dare. They will flagrantly observe me in a stupor, which would not be
accepted by any self-respecting person in this society. Suddenly they are fearless and
confident. They impulsively say what they feel because my disability has given them the
“right” to speak to me the way they like. They arrogantly instruct me about what
they think without the slightest fear of having to defend themselves against a valid
opinion. My opinion doesn’t matter because I’m less of a human being than they.
I’m viewed as weak and helpless. Yes,
because of my physical disability it paves the way for volumes of insulting demeaning
phrases and appalling insensitive talk that I’m very use to hearing in so many
different social settings. I’ve seen and heard this behavior for so very many years.
It was a long,
hurtful time for me before I gained the wisdom and strength to properly say “No”
to “regular society.” Thinking from within and learning to be civil through all
my disappointments and angers, I’ve achieved an attitude and demeanor, which has
unwittingly helped all the ignorant spirits around me.
I
know through the years, by my brutal honesty in confronting those who have lied to me, I’ve
hurt many people. Reacting from their own terrible ugly weaknesses, I’ve seen so many
strangers’ expressions change from a condescending patronizing countenance to one of
anger and dislike for me. The individual, with whom I’m speaking, becomes
uncomfortable after realizing that what they’ve said to me is cruel, not true, and an
excuse for them wanting me away from their family and friends. Suddenly this “regular”
person recognizes that I’m not going to accept the pretensions they are attempting to
sling upon me.
What a surprise
to a pathetic, uppity able-bodied person when discovering that I’m human: that I won’t
take the lies and deceit that are being viciously hurtled upon me for no other reason
except that I’m crippled.
People
quickly realize that I’ll confront them immediately, anywhere, anytime if they dare
lie to me. This has created a social situation whereupon I can only be the loser. They
will want to be far from me. I’ve now lost the opportunity to become friends because
of prodigious ignorance and the social morays that tyrannize our lives.
My words are
short and strong. I stop the condescending phrases that have echoed in my head for
thirty-two years. Now there is no room for making friends or creating casual
acquaintances. People are scared of a disabled person who won’t accept what they
insultingly insist as the truth about my life and me. Their faces turn red and their eyes
dart elsewhere when they’re embarrassed by what they’ve said and how they’ve
acted towards me. Where they felt uncomfortable before with what I look like, now they are
doubly uncomfortable with what I’m thinking.
At this point,
after being confronted with the truth, most people are mistrustful of me. If I do not
accept their narrow- minded guile, they become vicious with self-righteous, self –justifying
rhetoric. They declare their defensive ranting not only to me, but worse, to all their
friends and acquaintances. This is surely one of the most ugly and impossible social
conditions to combat: a condition that all disabled folks must live with.
Everyday life is
difficult enough without having to read between the lines of what is being preached to you
and then setting the record straight with no more than the gut force of your own
self-respect and dignity.
Do all those
pretty people have self-respect and dignity? I think they do, but it’s seen and
understood only by those close friends that surround these lost personalities, who drain
so much energy from the innocent, decent souls close to them.
I’ve worked
in the able-bodied world through my years of disability. Wearing my right arm in a black
sling has afforded me living an almost “normal” life and the ability to achieve
measured success at the jobs I’ve held. During these years of being active in the
workplace I’ve confronted the truly ugly part of people. Co-workers have laughed in
my face: literally. This has occurred numerous times through these many years. I’ve
been told that I can’t work at this or that because I take too much time doing it. I’ve
been blamed for stranger’s mistakes and others bad behavior: literally. Through all
these times I’ve had to stand up alone and say “No!” The consequences of my
vehement denials and my accurate sequence of truths are that of making my co-workers
uncomfortable. This is a serious situation in the workplace. Nobody wants to spend a day
at work in unpalatable company. So, the price to be paid for me stating the truth, is to
be outcast, looked upon with mistrust, accused of being unnecessarily aggressive and
finally to have my tasks at work shifted and changed by the managers. These stated
occurrences you’ve just read have happened to me at every job I’ve had, from
photo labs in the city, to working in the computer field for an IBM- owned company. Every
manager has attempted to curb me, blame me for discontent in the office, or for mistakes
that I did not create. I’ve been singled out and cases built against me without
proof, only the word of the manager. Again this has happened in different businesses
through varying jobs.
I’ve always
said “no”. I’ve had to constantly defend myself and probably always will. I
know that is my destiny: for life to be as difficult as possible for me, no matter if the
tasks are mental or physical. I personally must think this way because it’s always
been true from the very beginning of my disability.
All rights reserved Kurt W. Franke
2002
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