As caregivers, we can identify with the struggle of caring for some one who is dependent on us for basic life needs. In this article, you will learn how the chronically ill person feels and what you can do to lower the tension in the relationship while reading this article, identify some of the behaviors you need to change to lower the tension in your relationship and think about how you can make your home safer?

The chronically ill often face barriers to autonomy. They often try to do move about with the same freedom they had experienced before becoming ill. This often results in falls and other home injuries.

Why do they fall? Examples of why the chronically ill fall include: age, impaired mobility, dizziness, balance problems, inactivity, eyesight problems, cognitive impairment, (stroke victims) depression, chronic illness and a risk-taking personality style.

Sometimes they fall because there are over padded carpets, poor walking surfaces, stairs, poor lighting, obstructions in pathways, the lack of handrails, low beds and seats, poor footwear and medications.

For the chronically ill there is a great sense of frustration that often leads to anger. Angry at themselves, their situation, and sometime at God can result in displaying or acting out their frustration towards you.

How does that make you feel? What can you do about it?

I felt angry when Bob fell and broke his hip. "If he only would have listen to me," I thought, "he does not care for us if he did he would not be falling all the time and getting hurt. I wouldn't have to call the ambulance for the second time this month and maybe live a some what normal life!" I have feelings; every time Bob falls, he wears pain on his face for months. A screaming guilt nags, " if I could have, would have, should have… done more." So, what can I do about the situation?

The first thing is to keep the environment safe, look around and see if there are any objects or other items in the path that may be a potential danger. Try to look from the care receiver's perspective. Talk to her; ask what physical changes can be done to make the home safer. Call your HMO they have therapist who can come to your home and share some ideas with you regarding home safety. After, you have done all you can do and the individual continues to fall and seriously injure himself or herself, you may have to consider a more controlled environment such as a care community.

We are not "victims." However, we do need to better understand the challenges and complexities of being affected by illness while personally being physically healthy. We need to learn how to communicate and build relationship from psudo-care to intimacy through God’s help.

As a result of Bob and my experience, we have started an outreach through our church, Fair Oaks Presbyterian, to provide respite care, support groups and other means of support for the caregiver and the chronically ill. It is easy to become isolated when caring for a chronically ill individual or when you are ill yourself. Those who isolate themselves socially are twice as likely to experience a decline in their thinking abilities, compared with those who keep up at least a few social ties. The chronically ill person needs social contacts. Bob and I have found that a conversation with a loved one, going to church, belonging to groups, having regular phone calls or visits, and participating in recreational activities according to our ability helps. But most of all we have found, that asking God to give us the ability to be patient with one another, live one day at a time, read the Bible and pray together helps us keep our relationship close and intimate.