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LOST
RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE YOU’RE DISABLED I lose relationships every day. Often I
consciously avoid seeing people because I don’t like the way I’m viewed and
hence treated. Then I’ve lost a chance to establish a relationship. Whether it’s
an acquaintance, a business friend, a friend of a friend or a lover, all those chances are
gone forever because I never made myself available to establish a new relationship. I did this yesterday while visiting a popular bar
where people enjoy talking and meeting others. Basically, I sat and did not say a word to
anyone. As well, several weeks ago I was in a resort area and was invited to a very large
barbeque and summer party but stayed by myself through the early night into the late night
for the same reasons. There’s no doubt these behaviors have
resulted in lost relationships. The possibility to meet friends dwindles as precious
opportunities are deliberately missed. Perhaps there was the chance of meeting someone
interesting who could improve my life. What about a business opportunity appearing just
because I was available and friendly at a summer party? All these possibilities do not
exist because I’m not emotionally conducive to the part of life where most of the
world lives: with people. These
are what I interpret as lost relationships. Lost relationships are part of our lives (the
disabled) more than that of the able-bodied world. For a disabled person as myself,
attempting to reconcile peace between my individual self and how the world perceives me
because of my black sling, is an exhausting effort. In turn, I instinctually bypass that
part of my life, which makes me uncomfortable and anxious.
These, as many of us know, are some of the
biggest reasons for avoiding regular social occasions and celebrations, which most people
anticipate with pleasure. As I’ve gotten older, I feel myself losing the necessary
energy to battle through the everyday ramble of meeting people and establishing
relationships. The price paid for living in this predicament
of mind is we (the disabled) must confront monstrous inner conflicts to achieve a
presence of dignity about our inner selves. This is the necessary prerequisite to feeling
good and proud of yourself so as to meet and greet and have fun with people, no matter
their personal reaction to you and your disability. Where
and exactly how can we gain the social virtues necessary to establish relationships? Well
friends, that’s a very personal question that surely only can be answered by you the
disabled individual. Many times through these
long years I’ve felt a heavy heart knowing I’ve lost something that will never
be gotten again. To pass up an opportunity for love or friendship is surely one of the
worst parts of regular life. I
now know what to expect. Those relationships will arrive only when they are welcomed by
me; ready to grasp the never-to-be-gotten-again chances that life offers but only once. Some are lucky to have seized that moment
naturally. There are many others that search with eyes wide open only to get a glimpse of
what will never be had. Letting these precious times pass without a chance to let life
blossom for a priceless moment must be one of the most uncomfortable, ever-present
feelings I carry with me as a disabled person. Thirty-two years living from adolescence to
adulthood and the one topic that towers above all else is the lost time and the personal
bypassing of opportunity related to my disability. Somehow,
this ingrained attitude seems to be more of a curse than an obstacle, which in turn, can
be confronted and beaten. These are the foundations for avoidance. Yes, sometimes I consciously avoid social
situations that offer life’s excitement, opportunities, love, and all that the living
world offers to me personally. To miss life’s opportunities consciously
is a sin. Those who have the potential to live life to it’s fullest and don’t
are wrong. We, as disabled people have the opportunity to live an emotionally fulfilled
life. Sometimes though, like everyone, another chance slips through our fingers………… Copyright 2002 Kurt W. Franke All Rights Reserved |
