What is a Friend? 

Many people have asked themselves that question. Also, many people have different answers. Webster's Dictionary defines a friend as "a person whom you know well and like; supporter of a cause."

Of course, there are many different levels of friends. For instance, there are acquaintances, "situational" friends, true friend, good friends and best friends. Lets break them down one by one, shall we.

Acquaintances, these are people that we meet, like somewhat and enjoy their company for a short period of time. However, rarely do we socialize with them beyond where we know them except at a specific event. An example of an acquaintance is someone that you might meet at work or at therapy or at your kid's soccer game. When the two of you are together at the event, you talk but only on a superficial level. There is no trust per say in this kind of relationship. It never goes beyond the first layer of trust. We can have many of these. However, if we do not see these individuals, we won't miss them. These individuals come and go in your life all the time.

Situational Friends. This is a term that I believe that I have coined. A definition of a situational friend in my opinion is a person that has a specific interest in common with you. For instance, there are bible study friends, reading club friends, garden friends, etc. You get my drift. This is a person that you may see once or twice a week but only for specific reasons. Again, you never see this person socially. Never meet outside the specific common interest. The difference between an acquaintance and a situational friend is trust. You and your situational friend have developed a level of trust between you. You have gone beyond the level of the first layer with this individual. This is a person that can offer you some although minimal comfort in a time of need for you. In my experience, you can have somewhere around 5 or 6 of these kinds of friends. If we don't see these individuals, we miss them situationally but not from our heart. For instance, Mary wasn't at the book club this week. That’s too bad because she always has great insight. These individuals come and go in your life all the time.

True Friend. A true friend is a friend till the end. For an individual to become a true friend of yours there has to be chemistry and many times longevity between you. Simple common interests won't transform someone from a situational friend to a true friend. This is a person that you want to have contact with often. More than likely, you have a long history with a true friend. I say this because human beings for the most part take time to develop a true friendship. I

We have all heard of "love at first sight." This is where there is an immediate attraction between a man and a woman. They fall in love and get married sometimes without even knowing each other. Have you ever heard of "friendship at first sight?" I haven't. That’s because when there is true friendship, there is deep trust. You open up and expose a good part of you to this other person and they to you. This takes time.

A true friend is someone that you can call in the middle of the night in the winter during a snowstorm and ask them to come and pick you up because your car broke down. Simply, they say sure. They don't ask questions like " did you call a tow truck, what about your father, did you call Jerry? They don't grump, simply, there are there for you. That is the true measure of a true friend, they are there for you where ever, whenever you need them and you for them. These individuals have gone deep in the layers of trust with you. They haven't gone all the way because individuals still at this level hold back something.

True friendship has to be reciprocal. Both parties feel the same way. These are friendships that last forever. These are friendships that can adversely affect you should something go wrong because you care. These friendships are hard to come by. In my opinion, if during your lifetime you have 3 or 4 true friends, then you are a lucky person. A true friend is someone that you love.

Best Friend. A best friend has to be a true friend first. One simply does not jump from a situational friend to a best friend. Can you have more than one best friend? Maybe at different stages of your life! Best friends are individuals that you completely open your soul to. They know everything about you. There is more than chemistry with this person; there is a bond. Best friends will fight for one another. Be there during critical times. Console you. Congratulate you. There is no jealously between best friends. When something good happens to you best friend, it happens to you. Conversely, when something bad happens to your best friend, it also happens to you.

That I believe is the difference between a true friend and a best friend. True friends will care when either something good or bad happens to you. They will be there for you but not on the same level as a best friend. I know it sounds funny but any of you who have had adversity or elation and have had the privilege of having a true and best friend know what I'm talking about.

A best friend is someone that you will entrust your kids with should something happen to you which I believe is the ultimate expression of friendship. They will go outside of their comfort zone to accommodate you, as you would do for them. Best friends are extremely hard to come by. Some people go their whole lives without ever having a best friend. Those of you who have one are very lucky. For those of you who have had more that one in their live time, you are truly blessed.